Ambien. No doubt about it.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
