So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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