Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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