I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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