..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Hippo gnu deer
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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