cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sext me about skeletons
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
