I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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