were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
