Moan for me like Helen Keller
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Randomize
