She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
