I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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