Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
