i would punch a child for taco bell
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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