My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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