i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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