hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
