party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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