Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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