Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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