Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
