There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
