guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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