why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
