his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
