4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
