if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I party with great urgency now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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