Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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