I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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