do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
