I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
