He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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