its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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