Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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