Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We have started to decorate penises.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
