Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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