shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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