I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I love you.
Bad choice
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
