Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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