Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
