I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
