Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
