My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
