Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
