I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
