As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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