So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
