He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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