He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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