I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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