I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
What a dumb baby whore.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
