Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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