the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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