i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
